The Bridge of Relationships

 The 'Bridge" of relationships.

The card game of Bridge has always fascinated me. I used to play Bridge with my grandparents when I used to visit my native place. My grandfather used to make vain attempts at placing the Ace of spades at the bottom of the deck when it was his turn to deal. Of course, the sly grin on his face was a total give away. The most interesting part of this game was the partner of the highest bidder had to display all his cards. Till the bidding was not complete, it required skill and acumen to guess the hand of the partner as also the opponents. At the end of the bidding, the partner of the highest bidder had to reveal his cards by arranging them in 4 rows corresponding to the 4 suits. 

    Relationships in life also follow a similar pattern. We all have to guess the cards (feelings or emotions) of the other person. 

     Any relationship is based on two crucial parameters. One is what we feel about the other person, and the other is what we believe the other person feels about us. 

These two parameters are mutually interrelated. They determine and define the dynamics of any relationship.  What we feel about the other person is greatly influenced by what we think the other person thinks of us. This introduces a variable, in the equation. If we aren't  clear about what the other person thinks of us, we too can't be certain about the way we feel about the other person. Its a very strange, equal and opposite kind of interaction. A subconscious yet  paradoxical 'I care about you only to the extent that you care about me'. The inevitable left brained logical, transactional line of thought, that's destroyed the far more intuitive  right brained spontaneity. 

There are no absolutes in any relationship. Our feelings and their intensity are relative to and proportionate to our perception of what the other person feels about us. The quality and intensity of our feelings  continue to remain a function of the assessment that we make based on what the partner bids.  Largely, in the realm of speculation and guestimation. Just like bidding in the game of bridge. But when the bidding is complete, the moment of reckoning arrives. The partner's cards are laid out and the truth is revealed. This also gives a greater clarity about the hands held  by the opponents. Thereafter, it's up to the skill and tactical capabilities of the highest bidder to conduct the game and vindicate his bid. The bid to convert his cards into tricks.That's probably why I was so fascinated by this game. It has an uncanny parallel to relationships in our lives. The ultimate winner remains the one, who makes the most accurate assessment of the others cards, merely on the basis of their bids. That's a skill that's really vital, but yet very rare. That's why I never excelled in bridge.  And that  also explains my fascination for the game. 

Dr. Deepak Ranade.