Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Don't take interactions personally

Don't take it personally

Interaction with people is an inevitable part of life. It's the fallout of man being a social animal. This  interaction becomes  a  complex interplay of emotions and ego as it serves to establish a heirarchal pattern that social structure mandates.
 Arguments,misunderstandings, humiliation are unavoidable outcomes of this " Brownian movement "of  ' Egocules",
This unpleasant interaction results due to  - " the perceived identity that I have about the person did not connect with the perceived identity the other person had of me."    Interaction  is of perceptions .The  identity and ego of ourself is entirely  perceptive  and  imaginary.
The very fact that it could be slighted or elated implies that ego  is a variable, modifiable and mutable entity. It is not fixed. The identity or ego is totally speculative and  a dynamic variable. We  generate a daily report of self esteem much like the weather update. Anything variable can't be authentic and absolute.  While we are quick to conclude that the other person cannot understand us, do we really understand ourselves? The self that we commonly assume ourselves to be is a database of memories with a conviction of having a unique discrete identity .. This unique identity is a composite of the impression we have of ourselves and the impression we feel others have about us. The former is a complex of the id and the ego whilst the latter reflects the superego. Interaction with others nurtures the superego, lends  a meaning,   to the script of  life. It  simultaneously  generates a hierarchal coefficient, starves for recognition and  desires to dominate. It's assertiveness stresses relationships as it becomes exacting and demanding in an attempt to establish it's position in social hierarchy. Looking for a meaning for ones own existence   in relation to others. Ironically,none, other than the self  can lend meaning to ones existence. Using relationships as an emotional mirror to assess and evaluate ones own identity  will only generate a chaotic  plurality of  identities  and  a waxing and waning  self assessment.  Stress arises out of our efforts to build and maintain the image we want others to have of ourselves.
This  reaction based self-esteem is susseptible to  wild vacillations .  It triggers  approval seeking behaviour that is directed  towards   appreciation and recognition.  This sort of behavious  is a form of self abuse. Putting others evalution ahead  of what we truely want for  ourselves . One need not be contemptuous or completely disregard  others opinions, but neither should  they  become the driving force of our life.
A stoic self assessment that is not finicky and fluctuating lends a great degree of security and reassurance in any interaction or relationship. A non-leaning interaction, between two erect individuals  only  can support the beautiful edifice of a  meaningful  relationship. Leaning on  one another to a point  can never support the superstructure of a sustainable relatioship.   A very fluid and tentative self assessment is  the substrate for a sense of   persecution that can destroy not only the relationship but the person as well. It is incompatible for a sustainable rewarding relationship. There has been a lot of talk regarding out of body experience, but in a more practical setting, taking an impersonal, third person  view of the situation is more useful  and realistic than making a personal, restrictive, assessment that distorts reality. Misunderstandings then become  commonplace and can prove to be very expensive. Interactions/relationships  pursued solely with expectation  or gratification of  the ego are cursed from the very beginning. Every relationship has rights ad resposibilities as two sides of the coin. Asserting only the former works to  the detriment of any interaction.
Relationships  are meant  to aid the search for our true self, and merely an accessory for survival. They  must help  evolve  the self  rather than assert oneself .
Deepak Ranade 

2 comments:

Omprakash Angnani said...

I agree fully. But find equally difficult to follow.
-Omprakash Angnani

Omprakash Angnani said...

I agree fully. But find equally difficult to follow.
-Omprakash Angnani