Could Have Been, Should Have Been.
I woke up in a sweat at 1.30 am. I realised I was hysterically kicking in my sleep, as if freeing myself from the vice like grip on my feet of three to four people. I got up startled and was relieved to see no one at the foot end of my bed. Rubbing my eyes, I made my way in the dark to the kitchen and had a glass of water to soothen my frayed nerves. It was a weird feeling. Dreams can cause palpitations. My heart was still pounding.
I hobbled along to the drawing room and plonked myself on the sofa. I knew it was not possible to fall asleep again, being gripped with this trepidation and angst that although virtual, affected me like reality . I closed my eyes and tried to recapitulate the nightmare that had scared the wits out of me.
It then slowly came back as I was perhaps re-entering the domain of somnolence. Initially it was a blur, but then it became clearer, as though I was clearing the windshield off the smokey vapour.
I could see myself sprawled face down on the ground, struggling and lunging forwards, trying to free myself from these 3 to 4 persons who were holding my ankles and pulling me backwards. I was ranting and raving, using every ounce of energy to free myself from my captors. My efforts were all in vain. I was seemingly powerless against these henchmen, who were in no mood to relent. They were dragging me backwards mercilessly, with impunity and arrogance.
I was trying to dig my claws in the muddy surface in an attempt to anchor myself in the least. But it was of no avail. My eyes were covered in mud, obscuring my vision and anyways I could not muster any courage to look down at my abductors.
I try to keep calm, and with one hand, I try to clear my eyes. And then, far ahead, I see a beautiful glowing candescence that beckons. The brightness of which is indescribable. I am being pulled away from this brilliant divine luminiscence by these powerful aggressors. Somewhere, in the direction of the light, I hear a very deep and comforting baritone, that is imploring me to escape from this torrid incarceration. The voice is very soothing and reassuring. I shout out towards that voice for help, almost begging for assistance. But there is no respite.
I finally give up. I let myself slide backwards. The surrender decreases the pain.
I shout out to these toughies to be a bit more gentle.They too are convinced of my compliance and slightly ease the grip on my ankles. After truce has been established, I lie down for a while and my subjugators too take a break.
I notice, they are masked, and rather heavily built.I assure them, that I will no longer resist their efforts to drag me backwards, but plead with them to unmask and identify themselves.They reluctantly agree and in a few moments unmask themselves. They are three of them. As soon as the masks are off, I am stunned to see them.
All are my identical clones. I'm shocked by what I see. I gather my wits and then ask them their names.The first two identify themselves as "Could Have Been Deepak" and "Should Have Been Deepak". The third refuses to tell me his name. I plead with him till he finally relents. He tells me, 'I'm "Hate Deepak". I hate you and will never forgive you for all that you have done to yourself and others."
I'm speechless and shell shocked to discover the identity of these desperadoes. I can't contain my curiosity about the identity of that benevolent voice that was beckoning me. I shout out loudly towards that voice- "Who are you and what is that brilliant light that you are leading me to?" in the hope of getting an answer.
After a few minutes, I am rewarded with an answer in the same comforting baritone. "My name is "Can Be Deepak". And the brilliant light that you see is the Supreme Divinity that also lies at your center but of which you are unaware.
Dr. Deepak Ranade.
I woke up in a sweat at 1.30 am. I realised I was hysterically kicking in my sleep, as if freeing myself from the vice like grip on my feet of three to four people. I got up startled and was relieved to see no one at the foot end of my bed. Rubbing my eyes, I made my way in the dark to the kitchen and had a glass of water to soothen my frayed nerves. It was a weird feeling. Dreams can cause palpitations. My heart was still pounding.
I hobbled along to the drawing room and plonked myself on the sofa. I knew it was not possible to fall asleep again, being gripped with this trepidation and angst that although virtual, affected me like reality . I closed my eyes and tried to recapitulate the nightmare that had scared the wits out of me.
It then slowly came back as I was perhaps re-entering the domain of somnolence. Initially it was a blur, but then it became clearer, as though I was clearing the windshield off the smokey vapour.
I could see myself sprawled face down on the ground, struggling and lunging forwards, trying to free myself from these 3 to 4 persons who were holding my ankles and pulling me backwards. I was ranting and raving, using every ounce of energy to free myself from my captors. My efforts were all in vain. I was seemingly powerless against these henchmen, who were in no mood to relent. They were dragging me backwards mercilessly, with impunity and arrogance.
I was trying to dig my claws in the muddy surface in an attempt to anchor myself in the least. But it was of no avail. My eyes were covered in mud, obscuring my vision and anyways I could not muster any courage to look down at my abductors.
I try to keep calm, and with one hand, I try to clear my eyes. And then, far ahead, I see a beautiful glowing candescence that beckons. The brightness of which is indescribable. I am being pulled away from this brilliant divine luminiscence by these powerful aggressors. Somewhere, in the direction of the light, I hear a very deep and comforting baritone, that is imploring me to escape from this torrid incarceration. The voice is very soothing and reassuring. I shout out towards that voice for help, almost begging for assistance. But there is no respite.
I finally give up. I let myself slide backwards. The surrender decreases the pain.
I shout out to these toughies to be a bit more gentle.They too are convinced of my compliance and slightly ease the grip on my ankles. After truce has been established, I lie down for a while and my subjugators too take a break.
I notice, they are masked, and rather heavily built.I assure them, that I will no longer resist their efforts to drag me backwards, but plead with them to unmask and identify themselves.They reluctantly agree and in a few moments unmask themselves. They are three of them. As soon as the masks are off, I am stunned to see them.
All are my identical clones. I'm shocked by what I see. I gather my wits and then ask them their names.The first two identify themselves as "Could Have Been Deepak" and "Should Have Been Deepak". The third refuses to tell me his name. I plead with him till he finally relents. He tells me, 'I'm "Hate Deepak". I hate you and will never forgive you for all that you have done to yourself and others."
I'm speechless and shell shocked to discover the identity of these desperadoes. I can't contain my curiosity about the identity of that benevolent voice that was beckoning me. I shout out loudly towards that voice- "Who are you and what is that brilliant light that you are leading me to?" in the hope of getting an answer.
After a few minutes, I am rewarded with an answer in the same comforting baritone. "My name is "Can Be Deepak". And the brilliant light that you see is the Supreme Divinity that also lies at your center but of which you are unaware.
Dr. Deepak Ranade.
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