There's nothing personal about ...........

Interaction with people is an inevitable part of life consequential to man being a social animal.  This interaction  becomes a  complex interplay of emotions as it serves to establish a  hierarchal structure  Very often, when this interaction results in feeling slighted, one of the convenient conclusions is " this person can never understand me " This statement actually means - " the perceived identity that I have about the person did not connect with the perceived identity the other person had of me."    It is an interaction of perceptions .The  identity and ego of ourself is merely a perception and is imaginary. The very fact that it could be slighted or elated implies that self esteem is a variable, modifiable and mutable entity. It is not fixed. We  generate a daily report of self esteem much like the weather update. Anything that has a variable value can't have authenticity.  While we are quick to conclude that the other person cannot understand us, do we really understand ourselves?  The identity or ego is totally speculative and construed.   Most often, interaction with others is what lends meaning to life. Finding a purpose of life in relationships. This approach, stresses the relationship as it becomes exacting and demanding. No one other than the self  can lend meaning to ones existence. Using relationships as an emotional mirror to assess and evaluate ones own identity  will only generate newer identities each time. Having multiple identities and assessments  make it very difficult fir the people we interact with. The other person has to keep groping to determine our mood, which is not fair to him.  Surrendering the  control of self esteem to another causes the  wild vacillations our self esteem.  Approval seeking behaviour that craves for appreciation and recognition becomes a form of self abuse. Such behaviour is at the cost of total disregard of ones own self.  One need not be contemptuous or completely disregard  others opinions, but neither should  they  become the driving force of our life. A stoic self assessment that is not finicky and fluctuating lends a great degree of security and reassurance in any interaction or relationship.  A very fluid and tentative self assessment can be the substrate for a constant sense of  persecution that can destroy not only the relationship but the person as well. It is incompatible for a sustainable rewarding relationship. There has been a lot of talk regarding out of body experience, but in a more practical setting, taking an impersonal, birds eye view of the situation is more useful  and realistic than making a personal, restrictive, judgemental assessment that distorts reality.  The apparent improper behaviour of a person is strictly as viewed from our perceptive frame, andMisunderstandings are commonplace and can prove to be very expensive. Interactions/relationships  pursued with an expectation of appreciation, or gratification of  the ego are cursed from the very beginning. Our own convictions should not preclude receptivity to the other persons opinions and views. Interaction / relationships  are meant to evolve  rather than assert oneself . Deepak Ranade